Terrible! Who gave thatt a green light?

Terrible Channel by sometimes

You know when you open some old milk, and the first thing you do is offer it to someone else saying "wow, this is nasty, smell it"... Yeah, those kind of videos.

Videos of terrible, awful What-Were-They-Thinking commercial/pop-culture products/releases. Terrible music videos, movies, TV show clips, toys, etc. Things that some corporate exec decided to actually give a green light. The sorts of things that you watch, and think "SOMEBODY should have known better that to release that". The stuff that's so bad, you can't help but share.


Not the place for bad youtube lip-synch videos, or other sub-standard amateur releases.



[Dream Log] Hello and welcome to planet mundane

When I first awake from a dream, I can remember details with photographic accuracy, but if I wait too long they fade away forever. I had this vivid dream last night about a book that I needed to write, and in a waking stupor I wrote it all down -- but I wrote it down as it appeared to me in my dream: A rambling book inspired by God.

A word of warning: It's dream logic and punishing. I could have censored it but I didn't. I'll be honest, when I woke up I was frightened and the act of writing it down was frightening and kind of silly. Like an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Book Title: Hello and welcome to planet mundane
----------------------------------------------------------------

Foreword:

This is a cautionary tale about eating poop and aborting babies in their third trimester -- but only if you're a man and having a baby injected into your body by God. If eating poop and aborting Holy man born babies isn't or is a problem for you, continue reading anyway and never consider turning away from your screen.

There may be horrible acts of violence described henceforth... or that may very well be a threat to weed out the weak willed and genetically inferior. I'm just kidding, there is no such thing as genetically inferior subjects -- and, oh yes, you are a subject. (Thus sayeth the Lord.)

But not because you are inferior. Because you are superior. You have adapted to strange and awful forms of verbal harassment and mental torture that only a post-sadist world can breed.

Welcome then, weary traveler, to planet mundane...

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1 titled Poop Grown Potatoes are the Best
-----------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up, I ate breakfast, I went to my job, I defecated, I worked, I ate, I defecated -- and then I took my defecation and I used it to grow potatoes. The potatoes tasted like me and I grew to like that taste.

All I could think about was how good my poop grown potatoes tasted. Why did I like the flavor of me so much? Was it because I am innately delicious or was it because I hadn't tasted poop grown potatoes of another flavor?

Thus my quest to acquire the defecation of other primates to grow new, ever more flavorful poop potatoes.

---------------------------------------------
Chapter 2 titled Rambo: First Poop
---------------------------------------------

I traveled from the land of offices and political discourse to a land of lava flows and lush tropical forests with cannibals that eat white liberal hippies. I respect the tribes, but I don't respect their cannibalism. Why don't they eat poop grown potatoes like the civilized people who formed our global economy?

After escaping the cannibal lands alive, minus a hand and two feet, I found a world from a dream that I had when I was eight years old. I knew all of the roads, all of the buildings, and all of its inhabitants: they were the aggressive and obscure animals of white people legend.

This was exactly the type of defecation I needed to find.

The first new poop I searched for was that of an aggressive wombat named Phil. A wombat is not a primate but that's besides the point -- he is or was (I forget what tense I'm in because a book is just my words -- MY WORDS and MY THOUGHTS... Not yours...)

As I was saying -- and I really do require a line break to get my point accross (and I mean accross, not across) -- as I was saying -- in MY goddamn book -- as I was saying, Phil was or is not a primate but he is or was a candidate for next best poop. Mine being the best.

Anyway.

Phil's poop was delicious and I didn't bother to use it to grow potatoes. I just ate the poop. And now I live on Phil's poop alone.

"In Phil's poop I trust.
All hail Phil's poop."

Is what I carved in my forehead.

So I wrote a poem about it.

----------------------------------
Chapter 3 titled The Poem
----------------------------------

There once was a man from planet mundane
That liked the taste of the brown colored stain
In his pants (stare at this line of text for 5 seconds, please.)
Then (long dramatic pause as I silently weep -- please do not rush to the next line)
he ate (long dramatic pause) Phil's poop (loudly weeping)
Again and again

-----------------------------------------
Chapter 4 titled In the Beginning
-----------------------------------------

The End

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 5 titled Actually the Beginning Because I Lied
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I am a man but I became pregnant and decided to get an abortion. I took the aborted child, well into its third trimester, and set it before my God as an offering -- and a warning:

Dear God,

How DARE you impregnate me with your half god child. I aborted it because I knew only God could have done such a thing. A man having a baby? How and for what purpose?

I'll never let you breed your half god children onto this mundane planet where we eat Phil's poop. NEVER!

Love and Sincerely,
me

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 6 titled And Behold My Aborted Man Baby Is Risen
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's probably come to your attention and your understanding, dear subject, that this is a very self aware book. In fact, it is alive. Not physically, no, but it is spiritually alive -- and it has the power to come out of your computer screen like in the Ring, all evil and dead to claim your soul.

Because that aborted man baby is real. And so too is Phil the wombat and the poop sandwiches I make. All for you. So that you can be entertained, you spiritually dead and noxious token human -- fearing and praying the book is false. It is real.

And spiritually guided by God so that only this word is truth (or Truth -- gosh, the inspired word of God is confusing and yet legally binding and a basis for all democracy)

"Anyway," sayeth the Lord, "What was I saying?" I don't know, God, I'm simply writing your word as you have inspired me -- "Ah yes, I remember: Behold! My Aborted Man Baby Is Risen!"

But it's my man aborted man baby. "No, it's not." God lied, knowing full well I was in a mode of thought guided by His will, thus totally able to read His mind.

"Ok," God said sheepishly. "You're right -- no, I'm right. I'm right. I'm ALWAYS right." Thus sayeth the Lord. "Good, you get it now."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 7 titled The Last Chapter Confused Me Please Provide Me With A Brief Synopsis
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, dear reader, err subject -- reader subject -- Dear reader subject,

You can simply skip to Chapter 7, if you're studying for a test in your future religious studies class, but if you've already read it thus far then hahaha, the joke is on you. Anyway, sayeth the Lord:

Chapter 1 is about how the author of this Holy book grew potatoes using his own poop and then planted them. It does an alright job at explaining that the author is bored as hell and wants to get ill, but yet he just eats poop potatoes, sleeps, works, and eats more poop potatoes; then, he wonders if other people's poop flavored potatoes taste better, so he goes on a quest to find better poop.

You'll have to excuse me, because it's getting late and yet the Lord still inspires me to write this Holy and VERY evil religious text, which isn't parody -- and I'm not kidding, I am truly inspired by God and if you don't believe in Him, well, then he'll reach out of your computer like in the Ring and make all your horrors come true. No for real -- what horrible tragedies have occurred in your life? All of those will become your hell, at the bottom of a well, in undeath with that awful girl and her face obscuring, long, black hair. I wonder if she gets hair in her stomach? You know, Sayeth the Lord, if you consume enough hair, it will form a massive hair ball in your stomach requiring surgery? Did you know that? I wonder if she does?

Chapter 2 is about how the author of this Holy book found an aggressive wombat named Phil, whose poop was so delicious the author decided not to grow potatoes with it but to just straight up eat the poop. Straight up, Sayeth the Lord, so sayeth I: Straight up.

The mysterious author then carves the following in his forehead:

"In Phil's poop I trust.
All hail Phil's poop."

That's important to remember for your religious studies test, so if I were you (which I am on a level of subconscious understanding that all life is One) I would memorize that. By the way, please read all of this in an Austrailian accent because that's how I'm thinking it. It's ridiculous, but it's true. That's not in Chapter 2, but it will be on your test about Chapter 7 under "Things in Chapter 7 that weren't in any of the other chapters," Sayeth the Lord.

The subtext indicates that a government by the people and for the people was formed on the concept of eating Phil's poop. Strange to believe but it is the word of God. Inspired and word for word accurate.

Chapter 3 is a vaguely artsy and won't be on the test, Sayeth the Lord.

Chapter 4 is considered by some to be apocrypha because I don't know who wrote it -- in fact, because Holy text is now typed and stored digitally, it's difficult to authenticate any new truly inspired words of God, but it has been foretold that it may have been entirely copy/pasted from 4chan. Thus sayeth the Lord, in the most mysterious and confusing way possible.

Chapter 5 is about how the author (a man) became pregnant with a baby he believed to have been placed in his body by God. So he writes a letter to God, but only before aborting the baby well into the third trimester.

The author invokes the name of Phil and then politely pens his name as "me".

Chapter 6 is a warning to all those that read the text that they will be cursed like in the Ring, where the girl comes out of the television, except it's the wrath of God and somehow like a hell based upon all your worst life experiences. It's enough to make you mad, but it's not me that said all of this, it's God's word, Sayeth the Lord.

Chapter 7 is a synopsis of the previous chapters, with a few extra bits of information and possible explanations validated as 100%, as the are the words of God.

And Chapter 8 is in your brain. Just concentrate really hard and meditate upon the Lord your God for the answers to your religious studies test.

--------
Index
--------

This is the hidden message and final message from God:

I am a lie and I did not abort a man baby -- you did. In your thoughts and in your dreams you abort man babies every day. And you're eating poop without even knowing it. It's the word of God from your dreams and dreams are real.

JUMP SCARE -- the girl from the Ring comes out of your computer and scares you dead. AAAHHHHHHHH..! AHHHHHHHHHH..! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -- I farted.

--------------------------
Author's Last Words
--------------------------

It all started with an idle threat, descending into poop jokes and purported man baby abortions. It displayed blasphemous text likely guided by the actual Devil, whom I worship and sacrifice goats to, and then ultimately... ultimately it ended with a jump scare and then a fart joke.

How low has humanity come that one man would type such rubbish? Yes, let us project our insecurities and fears about the whole world onto one man and his ramblings.

(Sayeth the Lord -- aha! And you thought I was breaking character -- NO, it IS the inspired works of God! Repent! This is still the dream -- it's a dream interpretation inside of a dream interpretation.)

The single most obnoxious ad ever... and it's on VS

I wouldn't usually post about an ad, and I don't know if anyone else is getting this specific one but I was just flabbergasted by it's hideous behaviour.

The ad that keeps coming up in the top right corner for me is some despicable ad for Windex. If you make the mistake of rolling the mouse over it and it expands to the entire window. You cannot scroll past it, you cannot close it. It will cover the video you're watching as it shouts at you. Basically you have to close the tab or wait for the 30 second video to finish.

Can VS issue a complaint to their ad provider? Can they actually have a say in what advertisement they want on their site? This ad is utterly appalling and I'm sure this sort of heavy handed bullshit isn't wanted on this site. Advertisement's one thing, this is being repeatedly punched in the face.

But this does beg the question, do advertisement companies seriously think these sorts of obtrusive ads are in anyway effective? All it illicits from me is disdain and a need to boycott their product. I seriously don't get their thinking behind this sort of shit.

YouTube video commercial rant!

You might have noticed YouTube adding the "You can skip this ad in 5 seconds" bit, and playing a video ad before the original video starts playing.

The amount of time wasted by people waiting to skip the ads is tremendous. YouTube is now literally making people waste their precious time before the "treat". And because we are dependant on YouTube we just take it, and wait those 5 seconds.

For a decent viral ad with 1 million views, 1388 manhours are wasted on just skipping the ad (assuming everybody skips the ad).

... As if there isn't enough time being wasted in YouTube land already (referring to all the crappy videos, not the cool sift worthy ones of course).

Rabble Rabble!

Videosift 5.0 Request: Allow block of user Avatars

@BoneRemake, I have nothing against you, but in the last 6 months or so, you have cycled through some of the most disturbing images for your avatar. Today, I surf to VS, and have the pleasure to have a blue cock (literally a bulging blue crotch) staring me in the face. I'm not so much offended as disgusted at the tasteless image. It takes all the fun out of going through the comments; I'd rather just go somewhere else.

It's not my right to dictate what you have as an avatar, tasteless or not, but @dag, is there a way to block any or all avatars? And by block, I mean make it so I cannot see them.

Spielberg says what Lucas won't

Amazing statement, so succinct. So true. If only Lucas would agree with this and stop all the nonsense.

http://www.avclub.com/articles/steven-spielberg-sorry-he-made-all-those-changes-t,61801/

Beautifully relevant quote: “I realized that what I had done was I had robbed the people who loved E.T. of their memories of E.T. And I regretted that.” By way of penance—and reinforced by informal audience poll—Spielberg promised that the upcoming Blu-ray release of E.T. would have only the original, untouched, guns-and-penises version.

9/11/2001 Memories ...

VideoSift wasn't around back then. So how and where did you find about that horrible day?

For me, I just woke up (IIRC, 8/9 AM PDT) and came to my computer with Internet. I was unemployed back then since I was laid off from the dotcom bust. I saw my friends chatting in IRC something about a plane crash. I thought it was an accident, then I noticed terrorism, WTC, etc. Then, my "queen ant" told me about it briefly in person. I decided to turn on my 20" CRT TV (still have it today and it was from 1996!) and saw all the local news stations (rabbit ears) on this. I saw the replays of an airplane crashing to a tower.

Such a bad day for everyone.

I still have old ant forum thread about 9/11: http://antfarm.yuku.com/topic/5890/OT-Wow-sad-day-today-9-11-2001 ...

Need more channels

So we have an *undead channel, which fills in the missing U's... What we need is a channel to represent the missing few left. Q, X and Y. The Y channel is easy--Yuk...for all the shit you cannot unsee... Q is harder, but it could be quit--as in someone marks the post as *quit because, to us voters, it sucks and you need to quit.

X is the hard one. We could just label it X... Mysterious...

US Border Official Cese Child's Easter Egg

Sorry, I had to share this.
With all the crap the people of the US are subjected to - The government has deemed it unsafe for kids to have Kinder Eggs (???)

Kinder Surprise egg seized at U.S. border

A cross-border kerfuffle over a popular chocolate treat nearly cost a Winnipeg woman a $300 fine and saddled her with a bureaucratic headache.

Lind Bird was recently stopped at the U.S. border and selected for a random search of her vehicle. She was warned she could have faced a fine after the customs official found — and seized — her $2 Kinder Surprise egg as illegal contraband.

Bird learned U.S. authorities have banned the candy because they come with a plastic toy inside that could, if eaten, choke a small child.

"It's just a chocolate egg," Bird said. "And they were making a big deal. They said 'if you were caught with this across the border you would get charged a $300 fine,'" she said.

"It's ridiculous. It's so ridiculous," she added.

In Canada, however, officials said the eggs are so difficult to get into there's little chance they could harm anyone. As such, they are legal.

The U.S. takes catching illegal Kinder candy seriously, judging by the number of them they've confiscated in the last year. Officials said they've seized more than 25,000 of the treats in 2,000 separate seizures.

"They have been determined to present … a choking hazard to young children," said Mike Milne, a spokesman for the U.S. department of customs and border protection. Milne said the U.S. Food and Drug Administration supports the Kinder Surprise ban.

As trivial as the border seizure may seem, Bird said the U.S. government has sent her a seven-page letter asking her to formally authorize the destruction of her seized Kinder egg.

"I thought it was a joke. I had to read it twice. But they are serious," she said.

The letter states if Bird wishes to contest the seizure, she'll have to pay $250 for it to be stored as the two sides wrangle over it.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/story/2011/01/10/man-kinder-surprise-border.html


Send this Article to a Friend



Separate multiple emails with a comma (,); limit 5 recipients






Your email has been sent successfully!

Manage this Video in Your Playlists

New Blog Posts from All Members